Carlo G. Romero – Page 9 – It's about love and thermodynamics

Homeless Interview #7 : I’m Not a Threat

I met Bill right outside the Equinox at Grand Central, right next to the poster exhorting people to “Commit to Something”. At first I thought he would be as despondent as the previous two people I tried to interview but then I noticed he was thumbing something into an old smart phone. At 68, he was the oldest person I’ve spoken to so far.

Q: How long have you been homeless?
A: I’m not homeless. I have a place to stay at night. I shared it with a lot of other homeless people.

Q: Is it a shelter?
A: Yes, it’s called Promesa. It’s in the Bronx.

Q: Is it safe?
A: Yes, it’s very safe. I’ve stayed in other shelters that are dangerous but this place is safe.

Q: In the other shelters, what is the worst thing that could happen to you?
A: You could get jumped. People could steal your stuff. You had to be on the lookout for the crazy people, all the time.

Q: How long have been on the streets?
[He thought about for a bit] Years. I’ve been out here for a long time.

Q: How did you end up on the streets?
A: I lost my place in the Bronx. I lost it due to my mismanagement. I didn’t pay rent. I was hanging out on the street. I was running wild. I wasn’t working when I lost it. It was after I lost my job.

Q: What did you used to do?
A: I used to work for the MTA. I used to do security.

Q: What’s the best thing that’s happened to you in the last week?
A: A man gave me a hundred dollar bill.

Q: Did he say anything to you?
A: He just said, “Don’t spend it on drugs.”

Q: If God came to you and said He would grant you anything you wanted, what would you ask for?
A: A house with a car and lots of money in the bank. It would be upstate somewhere, in Yonkers or Westchester.

Q: What would you want people to know about you?
A: Which people?

Q: The people who will read this. These people passing you by on the street. What would you want them to know about you?
A: That I’m not a threat to them. I’m a nice, quiet person. I don’t bother anyone. I say my prayers every day. I stopped going to church but I still say my prayers every day.

Right now I’m looking for an opportunity to make money legitimately. I still have hope.

I’m 68 years old. I took care of myself. I have high blood pressure and kidney problems, but that’s it.

I have three years of college. I never finished. And I have a lot of credits. So I got my education. I went to Catholic schools. I went to good schools.

I said good-bye to him but I told him I would see him again. I would look for him, I told him, when I have something better to offer him. It’s not going to be very hard to find him.

Homeless Interview #6 : Do You Need Anything?

How do you help someone who needs it but doesn’t want it?

I never got his name, but I’ve seen him many times on my way to getting breakfast. He was an older man, rumpled and bearded. He was sitting on his haunches, underneath the sign for the Bank of China, his few possessions in a backpack behind him. He had his hood up because it was raining. He was sipping a warm cup of coffee and eating a breakfast sandwich wrapped in tin foil.

I passed him, at first, because he didn’t seem to want anything. He didn’t have a sign that said he was a veteran, or that he had lost his job, or that he was trying to earn money to get home, or that he was sick. He didn’t even have a cup with coins and bills in it deposited by passersby.

I returned and introduced myself. He replied with something unintelligible. I moved on, not knowing what to do, hesitated, and then decided to try harder to reach him. I returned and asked him, “Do you need anything, sir? Money or food?” He looked like he did.

“No,” he said gruffly. He didn’t make eye contact me with once. I gave up and left, not knowing what to do. He wanted nothing to do with me.

He had absolutely no interest in any help from me, much less an interview. But I know I’ll see him again.

Homeless Interview #5 : One Paycheck Away From Hell

Robert was the first person I’ve met in five days of interviews that fit the stereotype I’ve had of homeless people, the stereotype I grew up with. That image came from a time in New York’s history when it was a far more dangerous place–not the adult playground it seems to be nowadays.

Robert was at least in his sixties. His wild white beard was tinged with streaks of brown residue of unspecified origin. He was unkempt. He clearly hadn’t bathed for an inordinate amount of time. He didn’t seem to be in full command of his mental or emotional faculties. In short, Robert matched the image I kept in mind whenever I justified to myself ignoring the obvious needs of these human beings I encountered on a regular basis on the streets of New York.

Robert didn’t trust me. I don’t see why he would have since I’m sure that, as far as he was concerned, I was simply the latest installment in the long line of people who’ve failed him. Not that I can blame him. He didn’t want his picture taken nor would he allow anything he owned or anything in his environment be in a photograph. I had to settle for a sketch.

Q: How long have you been homeless?
I’m not going to tell you that. I don’t tell anyone my story. Being homeless is no joke. I can’t tell you how long I’ve been out here.

Let me tell you something. Times are difficult. Everybody is one paycheck away from hell. Thousands of people laid off. Don’t you read the news? A lot of people are out of work.

I’m not telling you anymore.

Steve, whom I met on Day 2, told me that there’s a way for homeless people to keep clean. If I met one who was dirty, he warned, it means they’ve given up. Robert, in that sense, has given up.

Homeless Interview #4 : God Has Never Failed Me

I met Paula somewhere on the West Side, steps away from Central Park. Even covered in thick clothing I could tell she was a petite woman, probably in her fifties, with dark hair tied into thin, wiry braids. She had intense ice blue eyes. I have to describe her to you because she didn’t want her picture taken in any way. “I don’t want to get into trouble,” she said.

She didn’t identify exactly what kind of trouble she could get into from a photograph but she had spent time in prison, in and out for a total of five years, largely for petty crimes. “I’ve been out for eight years and haven’t returned,” she said with pride.

She did allow me to take a picture of one of her few possessions: the cup with penguins into which people would leave money. While I was talking to her not only did people give her money, those that did give knew her and greeted her warmly. She, in turn, knew them and knew things about them, including the names of their pets. In an important way, the people who gave her money were her friends.

Q: How long have you been homeless?
A: For two and half years.

Q: How did you become homeless?
A: It’s not easy with certain people. I was living with a friend but then there was a fire…

Q: How did you end up in this neighborhood?
A: I don’t come here everyday but I used to. They always acknowledged me here. People smile at me or even say, “Hello.” I know people here. I even know their dogs.

Q: Is there a bad neighborhood in New York for you to be?
This is the best neighborhood but I can’t say there’s a “bad” neighborhood. There are nice people everywhere.

Q: Do you believe in God?
A: I’ve been able to stay out of jail because of my relationship with God. He knows I’m a sinner. But He forgives me. I follow the right path. I used to hang out in bars and love all that crazy shit. I don’t like it anymore. Not since I found God. It’s weird.

Q: What’s the best thing that’s happened to you this week?
A: It’s good everyday because I have God in my life. Some days are bad but at the end of the day God has a reason.

Q: If God came to you and told you He would grant you anything you asked for, what would it be?
A: To die. I want to be with Him. I wouldn’t take my life because that would prevent me from being with Him but I want Him to take me and end my life. It seems the more you’re good the more you deal with bullshit. I know why people would rather hate. It’s easier.

Q: What would you like people to know about you?
A: I feel like I’ve been saved. I wasn’t the greatest person so if I can be saved, anyone can be saved. You have to ask forgiveness for the things you did. And you have to forgive the people who hurt you.

When I was inside [prison], I had a bunkmate, Brenda. She taught me Psalm 23 [Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil…] It has never failed me. God has never failed me.

Homeless Interview #3 : No Stories

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I met Carlos on Fifth Avenue, right outside my CrossFit box. The temperature in the box was probably in the high 70s though it felt hotter because we had just endured a “difficult” workout. The temperature outside, where Carlos sat cross legged, hoping that people would grant him mercy and help him, was 20F. He had been out there for hours, bundled up to shield himself from the arctic conditions but when I introduced myself and offered my hand, he took off his glove and gladly shook mine.

He was happy to talk but he didn’t want his picture taken so I asked him if I could take a picture of him in profile, in a way that would that would hide his identity. He assented. It shouldn’t be surprising that a human being would have pride and would not want to be recorded or seen as a supplicant. It baffles me why anyone would think that any human being would consciously choose to live on the streets if they had better alternatives. It would seem to be fairly obvious that iving on the street means you have no other choice.

His sign says “No Stories” because he won’t tell any stories or lies to get money. He’s just a man asking for a hand. That’s all.

Q: Where are you from?
A: I’m from New York, born and raised. My parents are from Puerto Rico and they are both there. They’re separated. I have no family in New York.

Q: How long have been homeless?
A: For a few months, about four months or so.

Q: Have you been homeless before?
A: Yes, once or twice. But I always get back on my feet.

Q: How did you become homeless?
A: I was working the delivery service of a Chinese restaurant but then the restaurant closed because the owners wanted to move back to China.

Q: Where do you sleep at night?
A: Sometimes I go to the Rescue Mission, a shelter at 90 Lafayette. It’s a decent place, I feel safe there. Curfew is at 6PM so you have to check in by then otherwise you can’t get in and you have to leave by 8AM. It’s very crowded.

Q: Do you know any of the other homeless people around?
No, not really. Some of them come up to me and offer me cigarettes or needles but I stay away. I’ve been clean for three years. I stay away from drugs.

Q: If God said He would grant you anything you asked for, what would it be?
[He smiled broadly] Eternal life! I would to be with Him! God helps me out everyday and gives me guidance. I read the bible every day. Right now, I’m reading the Book of Job.

Q: What about on a more earthly scale, what would you want from God?
Land or property.

Q: What would you want people to know about you?
A: I’m trying to make it. I’m working on getting my high school diploma. I just got out of a GED class now. It was from 9 to 2.

I’m doing nothing illegal. I’m doing it the right way. I like to work with my hands. When I have my diploma, I’ll look for job working in a warehouse or something like that. I go to the library to use the computers because I’m working on my resume. I should have my high school diploma by summer and then I can start looking for work.

Q: So you have hope?
A: Yes, I do. You gotta be positive.

Homeless Interview #2: Awash in Color

I met Steve across the street from the main branch of the New York Public Library. He surrounded himself with his pens, brushes and other artist’s implements as well the art he produces and sells in order to survive. Against the

hard gray of the concrete sidewalk, he was awash in color. When I showed him my crucifix, he proudly me showed me his: tattooed on his chest. Even with all that has been taken away from him he declared his faith and said, “I’m a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ.” He continued, “I’m not rich in money but I’m rich in faith. God is my best friend.”

Q: Where are you from?

A: I’m from Florida.

Q: How long have you been homeless?

A: Since December of 2013

Q: How did you become homeless?

My father was in the Navy. He was an alcoholic. When he retired from the Navy, his alcoholism got worse. [He didn’t say that his father got violent, but he implied it]. This drove my mother away. I haven’t seen her in nine or ten years. I don’t know how to find her or contact her. I decided to leave Florida and come to New York with a friend in July of 2013. I was cashing my food stamps to pay him rent. I discovered that the money I was giving him he was using for drugs so we got evicted by December of 2013. I moved to a shelter and that first night, someone stole my shoes.

(At this point in the interview a woman walked up to us and started talking to him and offered him a cigarette. I thought she was going to give him money but then I was shocked to find out that she was homeless, as well. She was neatly dressed, with a decent coat and black leggings. She asked Steve, “Who’s your friend?”

She was clearly suspicious of me. I told her I was writing a story and then she asked, “You’re not with the Post, are you?” According to Steve, a few years ago the NY Post had interviewed a homeless man and then used that interview to propagate the myth that homeless people in NY made $300 a day, severely affecting an already vulnerable population.

When she left, Steve further explained the woman’s suspicion of stranger. A while ago, Steve explained, a man lured her to a bathroom by offering her $200. She followed and when they got there, the man punched her in the face and then took advantage of her. Her suspicion of male strangers, in other words, is more than justified)

Q: What is the best thing that happened to you this week?

A: I sold a picture for $50. The person was going to give me $10 but then someone else passing by said it was good so that person gave me $40 more.

Q: If God told you that he would grant you whatever you wanted, what would it be?

A: To have a job that I love to do.

Q: What do you want people to know about you?

That I’m a caring person. People might I’m an asshole because I’m out here but I have a good heart.

I want people to be not so judgmental. People walk by and spit right in front of me, looking at me as if they’ll never be in the same position. It boosts people’s egos to see me.

Would you want people to judge you if you were in the same position? When I see homeless people on the train, the ones that people avoid because they smell, I talk to them. He might smell like pee, but he’s still a human being.

There’s a way to be homeless and clean. I can find showers and a way to keep clean. When you see someone homeless who is dirty, it means they’ve given up. I haven’t given up. I’m only 28 years old. I’m in the city of opportunity. The best place to be recognized. You know I’ve produced 6 murals since I’ve been living on the street? [He showed me pictures of his murals. I included two photos of them]

Steve, like Nicky yesterday, is hopeful. He didn’t expect to be on the streets forever and he is, like Nicky, trying to find a way out. I was struck by the level of friendship amongst all the homeless people. I showed him a picture of Nicky and he knew her. They all looked out for each other and supported which is important since it is no exaggeration that their very lives are at stake. No one protects them.

Homeless Interview #1 : Challenging Assumptions

I am interviewing one homeless person a day for Lent, so I suppose you can say that I’m surrendering my ignorance for this season. I have many assumptions about the people I regularly see on the streets that allow me justify ignoring them as they ask for help. I want to see just how many of these assumptions are true.

I met Nicky on the corner of 50th and Madison, right outside a Starbucks, in the middle of some of the most expensive real estate in the world and amongst some of the highest paid people in the world.

Q: Where are you from?

A: I was born in California but I grew up in Oregon.

Q: How long have you been here?

A: I’ve been in New York for twelve years. I came with my dad, who is also homeless.

Q: How often do you see him?

A: Once a week. He lives out of his van, downtown, near Tomkins Square Park.

Q: How did you become homeless?

A: We were squatting in a building that became a co-op so we had to leave.

Q: What is the best thing that happened to you this week?

The birds landed on me. (When I met her she was feeding the pigeons)

Q: If you could wish for anything, what would it be?

Stability. Permanent housing. I’m working with Breaking Ground to get that addressed.

Q: What do you want people to know about you?

That, no matter what, I try to have a positive attitude. There’s way more nice people than there are mean people.

This last answer was, frankly, a bit embarrassing to hear. I’d seen her before and I’d never once even looked her in the eye or given her money. I didn’t ask her what group she’d put me in.