And here we go again.
If I wanted to, given everything that’s happening in the world right now, I could worry myself half to death. I’m sure you could, as well. We’re already fatigued and now we have yet another Greek letter to deal with. We’ve just had too many sequels. When is this series going to end?
In light of that and in light of the Christmas season, I want to lighten my mood and, I hope, yours, as well, by settling one of the most serious issues of our time: just what is the greatest Christmas movie ever?
Now, I know that significant fissures have formed in the American body politic so I think it’s time to rally around an idea and a theme that we can all agree on:
Die Hard is the greatest Christmas movie ever!
Let’s look at the facts.
It should not even be in dispute that Die Hard is a Christmas movie in the first place. The movie takes place on Christmas! Yes, it’s set in California and it is warm enough for John McClane to go barefoot and wear a sleeveless tee shirt, but Santa visits all climates in December. No humbug here.
Now that we have that out of the way, let’s consider other candidates:
A Miracle on 34th Street. No. A single man defeating heavily armed German speaking terrorists is a greater miracle than anything that ever happened on 34th street.
Love Actually. Please. There is no greater love than a husband risking his life to save his wife—except a wife risking her life to save her husband and child (see Long Kiss Goodnight).
Frosty the Snowman. Come on! Too sad. He melts in the end. John McClane gets buffed in the end.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Rudolph could fly. Great. But did he have a catchphrase like “yipee-kai-yay @$#!$!” that has been imitated over and over? No one has even tried to imitate the nose. Every action movie since 1988 has been a variation on Die Hard in one way or another.
A Christmas Carol. A classic, it’s true, but which version? Patrick Stewart’s version? George C. Scott’s? Michael Caine and the Muppets? There is only one Die Hard and one John McClane.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Again, no. Then again, I’ve never seen that movie. But, still, no. How could stealing be part of any Christmas story? Unless the theft is of millions of dollars of bearer bonds and is punished by a righteous NYPD office on vacation trying to reconcile with his wife.
It’s a Wonderful Life. It’s a wonderful movie. I loved that movie. Who doesn’t love the story of a man being shown the meaning of his life by an angel and then the whole town coming together to save him after he helped all of them? Heartwarming. But where is the action? Where is the hand to hand combat? Where are the explosions?
Die Hard has everything. Romance. Drama. Pathos. Action. And, yes, it has Christmas.
Die Hard might even be the greatest movie ever, Christmas or not.
You may agree or disagree. You may deny the obvious facts. It’s a free country.
But I think we can certainly agree that it’s better to worry about silly things like whether Die Hard is the greatest Christmas movie ever than it is to worry about real things named after Greek letters that may ravage yet another holiday season. At a time when there are very real threats to our well being that are beyond our control, maybe we can have a bit of silly fun.
I hope you have much love and joy this season, regardless of which Christmas movie you like best—or if you don’t like any kind of Christmas movie at all. We all need it.